You have a finite time in this reality. . And yet even people of this calibre can crack under certain circumstances. A therapist could help the LW explore where happiness lies, as well as helping them find the tools to make the changes necessary to get there. Maybe not the tell me about your mother type, but something more like Cognitive Behavior Therapywhere you can practice skills to reshape your perception of what troubles you and be mindful of and shape how you respond to those perceptions. Agony. My anxiety went way down, my sleep improved, my skin was glowing and my overall physical and mental health took a massive boost. The next question is do you want to adjust or do you want to quit. Q: Last June, right out of college, I landed what I thought was the perfect job. Instead of washing your hands of him or her and marking one more hash mark in the I should quit this job column, try just taking a bit of a break from your friend. Yet I was a C student all the way through college as I always did the bare minimum short of outright failing and rarely above and beyond that unless it was a class I found so interesting that I couldnt help but do well. Ask your boss for a letter of recommendation, and of you may use them as reference. Itll be really interesting to see where the motivation comes from then. Not a job, but I was once in a relationship that was pretty dysfunctional and not good for me. There is something you can do about it! Became a lab tech, worked there for a bit, then went to school to be a chef, graduated, went to work at a restaurant, then a hotel , then I was a early childhood development teacher , then I worked at bail bonds as an agent ,then I worked at a pharmacy as an insurance verifyr , then I worked at a small loan company as the manager, then I got hired as a medical assistant for a urologist.then one day , I got hired at a place that I LOVE thanks to my versitile resume, I was give a chance to become a tissue recovery technicianl/surgical tissue tech. I can remember a job I had and could not quit and get unemployment. Crying. 1 'hard truth' about who really gets hired, at job interviews, says CEO and career coach, The No. I come from a somewhat similar mindset, and whats allowed me to shift to a better place is by taking measures to remove some of the feeling of being dictated to or obligated by having jobs that allow me to be almost entirely self-directed and then working very hard to do a really good job. In this section, we will discuss the three important tips on how to survive a job you hate. I dont mean that theyre ineffective, btw, I mean that theyre not completely in that field. Get great content like this and the hottest jobs delivered to your inbox. As the child of a blue collar single mom who has worked at blue collar (pink collar) jobs, I think the people here who dont seem to be blue collar workers should get to know some of them. I think many people are just hung up on having a steady check and benefits, but they are missing the point of life for a very mild level of comfort. LW, does your company offer an Employee Assistance Program? Because of my back, I absolutely must stand up and straighten up every 1.5 -to 2 hours. . Omg I feel the same exact way except, was in a drinking and driving accident from a teenage drunk driving accident 12 years ago and am stuck with a unplayable debt. I hope the OP sees this and does some research on task aversion, because that sounds like it could be good info to have even if it doesnt turn out to be the primary problem. I never knew that a vitamin deficiency could be a problem with depression, and it turns out, his doctor didnt consider (or know) that either. I would also say that if you are going to trade places, make sure that fulltime childcare is something you would even want to do. I briefly had a therapist who was incredibly helpful when I was in junior high. But somehow that was not the answer. Ive had the good fortune to live & work in cities with big homeless populations & to get to know some homeless. I think even thats still sucky as advice, because its not very actionable, but past family failure to find ways to improve doesnt mean unhappiness is a fait accompli. Warehouse worker. You could also consider using the welfare/food stamp/food bank system, you could potentially try to live on that while doing odd jobs or whatever you like to make ends meet. They are fortunate to have you. Ive got a 100 year family history of people who drank themselves to death or died in thinly disguised accidents that were really suicide in order to get a Catholic burial. Its a matter of attitude. I always loose mine if Im stressed. No one is holding you to say yes to work. When they say Be happier, its like they expect you to instantly transform into Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. Plus I could work the system with unemployment 6 months a year. My mother would also fall into the I hate work camp. The I either have to start my paper right now or start cleaning the apartment right now test also helps me separate out when I just dont want to get off the internet or off the couch and do something boring versus when I really am not focused enough to write a paper that day. Start with the GP and go from there. I often get suicidal thoughts, though, because this world can be a very grim place at times. I worked one job where I would literally cry myself sick on my half hour commute every day. How To Quit a Job You Hate (With Tips and Reasons To Quit) I still dont LOVE it, but I like to have my mind and time occupied. Now comes the million-dollar question, What to do when you hate your job? Dont waste your life working. Spend a month or two living in the woods with your family or make a deal with your wife for you to go off on your own for three weeks. Hate Your Job? And when you have a moment of happiness, say it to yourself (or even out loud). So although I do put in 14 hour days sometimes, the day consists of random breaks- which include drinking water or filling my water bottle, etc. I sometimes meet my husband and toddler at the library over my lunch hour. Everything from the obvious symptoms of a stroke to social isolation due to living alone after retirement to managing the manifestations of autism or OCD in the workplace. Youll be most appropriately diagnosed by someone who specializes in mental health. I feel like Im invisibly doing something largely pointless. -Investigating which of those feelings were based in the job I had when I started therapy (which was a harmful environment) and which were overall work-related; Ill add another +1 for therapy. What, do I just choose to enjoy the pain and humiliation? Its about knowing I need to get something done, wanting to actually get something done, and then facing this frustrating compulsion I have to just not do it, to put it off, to do something else, anything else. I had reached the point where I was seriously pondering how I could stage an accident where I wouldnt die, but would maybe break an arm or leg or something thatd keep me home for a while. I was unemployed for a time (while my spouse worked) and that was better than FT work but not as good as this. I chose to comment here and show that side of myself to the world in the hopes of helping others to feel less strange, isolated, or screwed up. I am sure that what pains the Mr. Youll find gratitude for a job that pays a living wage, a willingness to work hard at a crappy job they hate, and most of all no complaining about having to work at all. I havent replied to many comments but this makes sense. I know what you mean. I ended up so miserable that I finally just had to make it a priority to earn at least as much as I was making at Crappy Job through random jobs from home until I could come up with a better solution. It makes you a slave to a society you hate. I just dont know if there is such a thing. You are being stupid. Myself and one other person on my team are the only ones in the same state, the rest of my co-workers reside in two other states. Most of us cant sacrifice to the greater good. Theres a balance between perspective and allowing yourself to feel your own pain and work through it. I thought back about the roles I did well in (including more menial retail roles) and realized I definitely did better in things with more structure. I also have depression and ADHD. What I hated most about work was the people I had to work with. It might be worth it in the long run. Its an absolutely crazy and idiotic idea, and stems from a time where people were expendable and had no power over their situations. Even in a job you dont like, its rewarding to be praised by your boss or to help a coworker solve a problem. Its amazing how something can flip from being enjoyable to being an obligation and make you hate it. I know for me, the guilt spiral makes it even harder to send that email Ive been putting off because I cant help thinking, maybe they forgot about me and sending it now will only remind them that its late and Ive been avoiding them! Alisons advice of do what you say youll do when you say youll do it is also helpful for me to keep in mind. And then, you grit your teeth and grin because its preferable to, like, growling at people or focusing on what makes you miserable. Ok, I totally agree with that! If you hate your current work, it might be worth it to do less desirable work in exchange for working fewer hours in the day. Oh yes. And try to consciously note to yourself when something does go right. Ive recently come to realise that I also hate work or rather, I hate and resent that in this capitalist system working is the only way I can survive. Oof, I feel like I might be opening a can of worms here, but I would avoid looking to church for therapy. Top 3 reasons to quit a job as per surveys. You likely can categorize the need for a high salary in one of two ways: as a want or a need. Also Read: Remote accounting jobs | A priceless list of tips to succeed. Nobody was saying that here, so I said it. Bipolar does not equal jerk behavior. on the job. I hated itit wasnt what I thought it was going to be. What more do I have to do to not be this way? Thats extremely counter-productive. Being around other people, having to deal with the social niceties, people judging me for being an unfeminine woman or not being able to conform to middle-class norms, actually commuting to work, etc. Hair Loss. Yeah, I had a job that I hated so much/stressed me out so much I started getting an extra period a month. I realized that moving into management would let me do that develop and build up other people so they can succeed. Gone are the days when a person stays with one employer for most of her career. When I am stuck on a problem, the best thing I can do is look up from the problem. For instance, my brother-in-law was diagnosed as depressed, but the ant-depression meds did nothing. But the thing is that is extremely variable and you dont always see that light at the end while youre trying to figure out what to do, even or while youre doing it, until youre actually coming out the other side already. I only do very special projects, mostly stuff that went hopelessly wrong and then they call me to save it. OP, you sound so unhappy. My job now consists of removing bone, ligament and skin tissue from (deceased donors) )using the exact blades & slicer. I just paid someone to do my resume and really target my job audience. I come home, exhausted and starving, deal with food and cleanup, and then am ready to fall asleep. It was cool to be involved in big stuff he would phone the governor, for example, or he would know how the sports game went before the rest of the country knew. The only happy time I can remember during my childhood was when I lived with one of my grandparents and the others visited. I am exactly the same way but I do have a Husband (and a dog!) Have you ever heard of anything like this before? This is your current reality. OP Thank you for writing in. I feel useless and like a liability to my family, and I look on at enthusiastic people, wondering how they get the drive to keep working hard, especially without results. Ive tried to explain this to anyone who would listen over the decades. Will the OP commit to that? I cant really explain it either. But a little perspective wont fix it. The pomodoro technique and similar help me a *lot*, because I know that even if I cant take a break *right then* I just have to power through a little bit, and then I can take a few minutes to read webcomics without work-guilt spoiling the experience. Ask HR: How can I get my company to start offering more interesting perks? "You can tell them you're big on self-awareness, that you recognized the job was a bad fit and you wanted to get out in time for someone else who would truly enjoy it," Jay says. Depression can be debilitating, to the point where you cant get out of bed, let alone make important life decisions. If not then there are reasons to leave your job and seek new job opportunities. It depends on why the LW hated the chores so much. High Turnover, I think of it when anyone talks about a dream jobbeing a nun was Thereses dream job, but even she had tasks that were no fun! I went to my GP when I knew I needed therapy, because he was able to suggest a psychologist, and the referral meant I wouldnt need to pay the whole cost of therapy out of pocket. Maybe all you need is to switch roles with your wife. I am a Stepford Smiler big time because I have to be, but it doesnt help so much. You feel overwhelmed and cant see any light at the end of the tunnel, you cant see any point to anything and you just give up. My oldest son was also in two home day cares that I wasnt thrilled with. At one point, one of the civilian candidates said to the instructor that he was so tired he couldnt go on. And severe anxiety or depression can make it difficult to even choose what youre going to eat for dinner. Q: Im experiencing the classic symptoms of burnout in my job, and I notice this in a lot of my jobs after a while. ), Yeah, I think so, especially in a place like AAM, which ought to be a safe space for a little first-world existential workplace ennui and discontent.. If you have a true problem, people telling you that can make it worse. I now work for myself and its tough, but Im overall a lot happier. And plenty of people drink kombucha without a full-body revolt (though I can't see how). That mindset that your noticing is definitely something that you could probably modify with CBT or a similar goal oriented therapy. There was a lot that was communicated to me about the role and the type of work environment that I was really excited for. I want another day off. OP, if you like helping people, you could look into a direct service position at a nonprofit. Reaching out to strangers on the internet is an incredible combination of desperate and brave. When Im most unhappy is when Im in traffic or on a train and I see the millions other people stuck in the same rut Im in. Maybe you do have anxiety or something else going on. Dear OP funnily enough I was driving down to work this morning thinking about how much I hate work too especially in roles that I dont feel productive and maybe thats your issueits never easy to get through a job that youre not passionate about to that end Ive actually enrolled in career counselling sessionsnot your basic lets make your resume pretty type thing but more define your passion sort of way. I have a bachelors from an excellent undergrad school, two graduate degrees from Ivy-caliber institutions, I have no criminal record, I dont have any type of drug addictions, Im relatively healthy, I exercise almost daily, I have hobbies like music and drawing, I bathe regularly and wear mainstream clothing, I have no tattoos or piercings and dont really want any, my hair style (what little of it is left) is typical very-short and male-pattern-baldness, Im of a mainstream ethnic (White) appearance, I have no present family to support (never had wife or children) and I dont have bad relationships with my elders in my family or friendships, I get along well with people, I have been in my male friends weddings and as escort to my female friends wedding parties, Im a OK and NORMAL seeming guy! I love that, and Im good at it, and heres how Ive demonstrated that in the past. It worked! So if you are thinking of how to stay at a job you hate because of unsupportive coworkers, the best tip is to engage with them often. Id been slaving at that job for three years with nothing more than $1,000 annual raise, which amounted to $20 more dollars a month after taxes. Coming across that essay at a formative time in my life really helped me understand why that is, for me at least. OP has two conflicting goals- a wife and child (family) and a strong desire to be free of that ball and chain that says job on it. Maybe the two of you can work together to figure out what the thing is that you can do to get yourself into a better place? By that essentially we suggest is to hand over the resignation letter and join a new company. I cant stand that picture in my head of doing a sub-par job. Mostly, I think, because I have such trouble playing the game. Im one of those people the right wingers hate: I collected unemployment until it ran out and Id still be doing it if it was available. The psych drugs make me just stop carimg about my job (and relationships, etc. ) Rather, they are in the realm of controlling my day-to-day habits. In this section, we will discuss your dilemma on the steps to adopt when your state, I hate my job. I almost lost everything and did lose my house to become a Massage Therapist. Its just the fact that so much of life revolves around work, thats hard to escape. And I have the same questions! Make sure all the important stuff is working correctly- heart, thyroid, allergies, etc. I ADORE the man, and the knowledge that he was going through stresses serious enough to make someone like him suffer what I and my other half have had to deal with was deeply upsetting. It was about people that dont want to go to work _and_ dont perform at work. But there is help, in the form of both therapists and self-help. I hate work tooall work. Or I will fall into a trap where everytime something is difficult instead of thinking through it I will reflexively feel like its time for a break. ? Most people need some help changing those thought patterns and orienting themselves in a more positive (or middle ground) direction. I asked my GP to prescribe me my psych meds because I was tired of having to pay for a psychiatrist who didnt take insurance, and she told me she wasnt qualified to do that and to stop taking my psychiatrist for granted. Or, What did you have for lunch? I never knew. Once you receive a job offer best suited for your needs, write out the resignation letter. I imagine that many doctors feel this way. Before you get in to a deep analysis, you first need to ask yourself, "why do I hate my job?", "is this job for me?", or even "is this career for me?". Having to get up extra early this morning thanks to a doofus co-worker who is seriously trying to boss around women 10 yrs his senior etc. But I wont buy another gun! And unless you are one of those recent young adults who has been spared exposure to these platitudes until right now, you are as aware of the nature of your advice as anyone on here. Doing without the great burden of a job for awhile and seeing what its like for people who *cant* work may give this person some insight and gratitude. I personally would love to be a SAHM; the idea of keeping the house clean, taking care of kids, cooking, etc., all has massive appeal for me. Many of my former co-workers I rely on constantly for insight, support, laughter, and maybe even a job reference, she says. Theyre spiritual figures, and this doesnt sound like a spiritual problem. Or, if you can do MORE of them when youre not working, maybe it would help mitigate some of your misery. If it came right down to it, I hate work too. He completely switched gear and now he is a gardener. Most of us are still navigating the ups and downs of this pandemic. I tried various therapies, various ways of making work more tolerable (make a game of it; work with the right kind of people; work in a cause that you care about; get outdoor work; get indoor work; get piece-work for hire rather than salaried regular-location work; get higher degrees; do manual labor; etc. I actually really wish I knew some basic skills like plumbing. I may be really excited by the idea of signing up for this or that. It makes me completely miserable most days. No such thing.. This gets really, really old. Just stay in the room.. I was let go from my last four jobs, for various reasons. This story was originally published at washingtonpost.com. I dont think theres anything wrong with this guy. I start crying when I think about others go through. And since people so often mean the latter, the phrase is kind of tainted unless you (general you) clarify that you mean the former. I also find it fascinating that Mr. DontDownvote himself chose a handle suggesting HE be exempted from criticism of any kind, and made it clear from the outset that he is above reading the OPs letter, AAMs response, or any of the comments so eager is he to rush right in and offer the precise hackneyed and useless response that has ALREADY BEEN SHOT DOWN on this page MULTIPLE TIMES, chiefly because it bears NO RELEVANCE to the problem or the solution. 10 Surprising Reasons You Hate Every Job You've Ever Had - Dear Boss I Quit . The only meds that help my panic disorder make me so wonky I dont function well. I probably think about that guidance counselor at least once a week, she was an amazing woman. Surprisingly, I do like my career choice but I would love to not have to punch a clock. Step 2. The spouse is going to take a dim view of things if she goes back into the workforce only to find that she has to do all the house chores as well. Dont always misjudge them by their acts or decisions. Learn everything you can about your role and department as well as the company. I find that when I feel my job and obligations are all there is, I get very resentful. I talk about this with my therapist. Now this was a one time visit, but what she said to me turned my life around. Except those people ahtended to behave in a really passive-aggressive manner so that theyd get fired, like they were late all the time or something. For the longest time, whenever I am at work and feel particularly overwhelmed (which is often), I will just sit at my desk and shake uncontrollably; almost like I have hypothermia (my hands do actually turn ice cold when Im shaking now that I think about it). Thats all I can offer. I've tried preparing, not preparing. (Although it feels harder, thats for ding-dang sure.). I get ityou need to keep a roof over your familys head. I think a dash of this is a good tool/device to get ones thinking on another path. Minimize expenses, maximize savings and try to retire early. I work 30 hours a week, make $30,000/year, and the best is the fulfillment I get in helping others! Ask HR: Is what you discuss with HR confidential? I second this: we have found our local university clinic (staffed with people working towards their Ph.Ds in clinical psych) has been invaluable. Is it a privileged problem to have? Keep the conversation simple and future-focused, she says: The past work environment was no longer for me, and this is what I'm looking for going forward. That friendship may help you both be better and happier employees, in part because you can help one another maintain a sense of perspective with your workplace and save your energyand resignation letterfor situations that actually warrant it. Thus, chances are good that you posted this for a personal ego boost, a way of saying Im superior to those lesser, negative thought-thinking mere humans commenting on AAM.. I tend to get good and often glowing reviews, but I also know that Im really good at doing just enough so people think Im a good employee, but they never know that I actually waste a ton of time, am constantly flitting to my phone or social media or what have you, and have a tendency to drop the ball on occasion, but not in a way that anyone ever notices. Seeing first hand, day after day, that it can be worse, seeing people who were worse off be happy and positive and hopeful, and seeing how my work was helping things be a little better, was enormously healthy for me. Thats why people are taking issue with what youre saying. Identify exactly what isn't working The first thing you should do is to determine exactly why you're unhappy with your job. Eventually I get stressed to the point where I dread going into work in the morning and hate my co-workers. Let me first say that this email might come across as whiny and/or juvenile, but I want you to know on the front end that I truly want input and help. We live like college kids. Ideally, youd be seeing this as a trade that you could be reasonably content with: the employer has something youd like (money) and you have something theyd like (work, performed reasonably pleasantly). What compromises can you make to achieve the life you want? Your toothache is still real. Your own pain and feelings are valid, even if theyre not as bad as someone elses. Last year I was in a horrible job (although I didnt realize it at the time), in denial about my level of depression and anxiety, and ended up in the ER twice with panic attacks. Reasons to leave a job after 6 months There are a variety of reasons that make it acceptable to leave a job after six months. Youre not alone. He basically left the girlfriend and his boy to the wayside and went on every government handout he could, he couch surfs at friends houses for a place to shower and sleep, and he knows which charities and churches have food pantries and holiday giveaways. And the stereotyping of Millennials as spoiled little whiners which your comment implies is pretty offensive to people who spent most of their adult lives in the worst recession in decades and for whom the real value of the average Americans wages has been declining for their whole lives while the costs of housing, health care, and education skyrocket. I leave my house at 10:15am and do not return until 9pm so i feel like i only have 2 days out of seven to enjoy life which is causing me to fall into a deep depression. Some folks may just never like workingbut its pretty irresponsible to just bail on that. Good that you got rid of him. And it just simply took that long for another offer to come in. Also, can your wife send photos of their day? Im not lazyat home Im unstoppablebut Id love to see more workplaces offer part time schedules for professional level jobs. I knew one guy who COINCIDENTALLY managed to slip, fall, and hurt his knee and go out on workmans comp on the first week of almost every job I ever knew of him having. Then its easier to get back to it. If after meeting for a few sessions the therapist or you feel that medication may also help, they can refer you to a psychiatrist or you could go to your GP then. Before you start looking for your next job, consider whether you have learned to do your job well. Do you have a local non-profit mental health association near you? Im not asking in a snotty way Im genuinely wondering if there are some things you enjoy doing that you can somehow make into a career. Can the Great Resignation change that? So perhaps I should have suggested spending some time in a mental ward with people who cant work due to their illness. OP, not all behaviors are totally psychological in basis. But it also meant freedom to make my own choices. period. I dont cop a bad attitude (though I do HAVE one, its an attitude that I did NOT choose! The pandemic, WFH, and all the extra stressors make it even more important to use your strengths so you dont burn out. There have been writing days where I worked for eight hours solid, and I felt like crap at the end of the day. They will be able to help you far better with a diagnosis. Your job is the same set-up. The breaking point came at my last full-time job when I found out someone I worked with (and who considered themself to be one of my best friends, long story there) turned out to have some very odious views and I was like, why am I spending more time with YOU than I am with my spouse and my real friends?