Comply with the Foreplay I am married to a guy for 13 years and blessed with 3 boys. Your husband probably also doesnt understand the damage he can do by trying to stop you from crying. However your husband formed his beliefsystem around the role crying has in our human experience, it would be fair to say that as guy he is conditioned to think a certain way. I have been married for a few months and have known my husband for a few years prior to this. We learn the true reality of God and who the final Prophet was. She is also a revert who took her shahada in 2015, Alhamdulillah. Japan redefines rape and raises age of consent in landmark move If you live with him sister he will only abuse you more and more and once you have children he will then have you exactly where he wants take care sister don't put up with crap. He has no right to be treating you like this, Islam teaches patience, tolerance, and kindness. I would advise you not to run after him when he is behaving like this - this only encourages him, and makes him feel entitled to treat you like this. I just hope that what we are going though soon comes to an end insha allah keep me in your duas, I feel exact same married too Muslim have a baby with him, at beginning he was lovely, now I can't do anything right, I get called all sorts of names, he constantly says he regrets marrying me, he wants to take me and Lolah his daughter to Pakistan I really don't know what to do x. Salam. He is my cousin but I have lost my interest in him fully now. He might as well stop you from breathing because that is how normal and natural weeping truly is. It is a cruel act for any husband to act like he doesnt care about you if you are crying. What is crossing the line as a Muslim woman is sitting down to have a private and personal conversation where something special is being shared with you and only you. Im trying to train my sons to know how to relate to people (including ladies) better than I was able to do. Just to be mindful of how they speak. I strongly suggest that you set aside couple time every week. Those women continue in their marriages because, culturally, they have no support from their families. A few times a year-but not intentionally. Some men (and that may include your husband) are rather stupid when it comes to understanding the value of tears and the meaning of why a woman may choose to cry. Think carefully, and stay strong - Allah is with you always. He puts his own needs before me all of the time and I am sick of living this way. Go before you become too dependant on him, before you have kids and before he loses all control one day and beats you. Which brings me to the point which is extremely important for you to hear. I am afraid I have married a monster. Attempting to impose a cultural system in a foreign location results in the inability to live as a Muslim and causes major hardships. Monique Hassan graduated with honors in 2012 with her BSc in Psychology and a minor in Biology and is certified in Crisis Prevention and Intervention. Ive neglected my pre-work routine or Id elaborate more. Stay calm This is the most critical factor that determines the outcome of the quarrel. Character is #1, we women do neglect that. If you lower your tone of voice and disengage as an accusatory party, then he is more likely to calm down himself. They usually are not following what renowned shaykhs say but comes from their reading of Hadith and etc or their minds w/o proper knowledge of even Arabic. It can be disillusioning if you come to believe that your husband is persistently selfish. Please find some local Muslim converts to speak with about Islam and also a local teacher to help you out. You should leave him. I feel suicidal, but I know suicide is haram and Allah hates it. and I am so scared. It was then that I decided I needed to be a better Muslim. My Husband Ignores Me | About Islam My Husband Told Me "You Care More About Me Being Black Than I Do. The fact that he laughs at you when you cry suggests he is sadistic and someone who uses what you disclosed to him as a weapon is not trustworthy either. How to Deal with a Constantly Criticizing Husband | About Islam Chris, I am desperate for your help. He just walks off in a huff and puff and cares little about how he drew me into all his ugliness. She was sobbing as she told me about her husband and his lack of attention to her emotional needs. I am writing because I am so desperately lonely and sad. Allah (swt) has given certain rights to the husband and wife, making both of you accountable to uphold your duties and promote a happy marital bond. It happens over and over again. Dont try to force intimacy, instead work on reigniting your desire. Joseph I hope you elaborate because I do wonder if I have a husband who thinks like you. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. He is someone who does not even stand by his own choices. The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Jannah [Al Bukhari and Muslim]. Law of Men Makes Women Crying in Islam - AZislam.com It might feel awkward at first, but if you do this on a regular basis you will not only start to believe it, you will start to act accordingly. Answered by Ustadha Rukayat Yakub Question: Before marriage my husband said he was religious, but he lies, cheats, uses bad language, is arrogant, uses my credit card and misses fajr salat every morning. This is the beginning of an emotional affair. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. My first piece of advice is not to feel like you cant cry if the emotions inside you swell up. If he cannot behave like a proper husband and muslim, he does not deserve you. It's important to find someone who has good iman, inside and out. There are plenty of women that I know that are in the same situation as the OP and never met their husbands before their arranged marriage. Often we are so close to a problem, we cannot see the entirety of it. At the grocery store or at a restaurant casual and polite conversations like this are the basic manners of the people or, as one would say in Arabic, the adab. Your husbands behavior has nothing to do with what you do. Depression & Islam: Can a Muslim Be Depressed? Learn about Islam and youll find that what he is attempting to teach you is based on his insecurities and not Islam itself. Perhaps you can share your thoughts on this topic. I am very sensitive and need to be shown I am loved as I was never shown love in my life. It is troubling to me that you state, I have no interest in life. My husband doesnt care at all about my feelings. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". It is either a clear and widespread problem, meaning the marriage is way off its track. I wouldn't count on inlaws to be supportive of your needs, or see it your way. When I tell him to drive carefully, he gets angrier and nastier at me and yells at me. Mother will not let me become a commerical pilot because I am a girl! May Allah ease your struggles, ameen. So why would your husband behave in such away? How I Saved My Marriage Without Waiting For My Husband To Change It is better to pray and read Quran together on a regular basis. Your husband may have taken it offensively when you wanted to contact his mother, as though you are telling on him. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1470) and Muslim (1042). YOU CRY. Make sure he understands it is not about blame; it is about healing. You losing your job is not acceptable nor is the fact that you are feeling paranoid every single time a man comes in your presence. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. I cry multiple times a week from a variety of emotions. You mention your husband gives you the silent treatment and refuses to talk things out. I feel like I am alone, unloved and am ready to leave this marriage after 6 years. She is a professional writer specialized in Islamic Psychology and Behavioral Health. And frankly the advice everyone gave you is sound. May Allah (swt) grant your marriage greater compassion, mercy and patience. He should also understand that going forward you do not want to have to feel ashamed ofbeing honest about displaying your emotions. In response to aabshar: insert emoji thumbs up!!!! Your husband may think if he acts cool and detached and ignore your tears, they will just go away and you will learn not to cry. Nothings going to change. was it that bad? You should explain this to your husband in a calm, sober way so that he understands you are deadly serious. Ask him what he needs and dont be shy to explain to him how your pregnancy makes you feel and all the thoughts you struggle with. This is an emotionally charged period of your marriage that requires patience, but in time things will improve inshallah. And its not just a husband problem is it? Jennifer Lawrence stars in 'No Hard Feelings,' a raunchy comedy with a He sounds vile. The narration that angels curse the man who makes a woman cry is Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. This is sinful! In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services. Sometimes, the smallest of things such as how the towels are folded will feel so frustrating because they see it as one of many things changing. His nature is very different from mine. This is not about having difficult conversations or forcing intimacy, just enjoy each others company. Express to him that you need to see your family more often and your parents have rights over both of you. She explained what hurt her the most was the nonchalant attitude he exhibited after her crying spells. Uncontrollably. Serve Him Whenever He Wants to One of the best Ways to Love Your Husband in Islam is by serving him sexually whenever he wants to. As I tell all my clients, a guy who picks on you because you were honest with your own feelings and showed some vulnerability is not husband material. Please, take a moment to look in the mirror and tell yourself I am a good wife and I deserve to be treated that way. I try my best to please him in everyway, even stopping wearing short coats when I go out of the house even though I always wear abaya, hijab and niqab. inshaaAllah I am also going to encourage my daughter to look for what you mentioned. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.